Getting Over Giving Birth

Wednesday, May 20, 2015


So this is probably the most personal post I've written to date (and I've re-written it a fair few times too), but I want to talk about my labour and delivery experience and the effect it still has on me more than 3 months on. If you haven't read my labour story you can do here. I think I glossed over a few of the parts as at the time I wrote it I was trying not to think about it too much. But in all honesty I found giving birth very traumatic, and after feeling embarrassed about that for a while I've come to realise that actually that's okay.

In summary, I was induced due to reduced movements. My labour was 10 hours from nothing to baby, 9 of which I was totally on my own as Jono wasn't allowed on the ward. This is because I was stuck on the induction ward as there was no room in delivery and it wasn't visiting hours. As a result there was no gas and air, and I was unable to have an epidural either - the only pain relief available was pethidine. I reacted very strongly to this and it made me very very sick. Essentially it knocked me out which made the whole experience quite scary as I kept waking up for each contraction completely unaware as to what was going on.

I know that labour and delivery is different for everyone, and that of course they don't all go to plan. In fact I hadn't planned anything - I didn't write a birth plan, and I just decided to go with the flow. I also know that there are people who have far worse labour and delivery experiences than I did, but that doesn't change the way I experienced mine. This is something that I have to keep reminding myself, because I have been finding it quite hard to accept just how much giving birth had affected me mentally.

It's now been more than 3 months since I gave birth. I have a gorgeous little baby boy who I utterly adore, and I'm very happy with life right now. I want to make it clear that the struggles I have getting over giving birth have not affected the bond I have with my son. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and everything I went through was worth it to have him. But recently when two lovely women I know gave birth it brought back a whole heap of emotions, and I realised that I am definitely still a little traumatised about giving birth.

I've been struggling a lot with guilt, embarassment and jealousy. I feel as though I'm not good enough or strong enough as I struggled so much and found giving birth really difficult. I feel guilty that it wasn't the most amazing experience I've ever had, because that's what I was told birth would be. I feel like it's not fair that other people get better birth experiences than I did. And I've also lost a bit of faith in the medical system because actually they were the ones who started my labour but then had no where for me to go.

I've decided that I need to talk it all through with someone, and hopefully I will be organising that soon. I don't want to keep getting upset every time someone I know gives birth, and I definitely don't want 9 months of fear if we decide to have a second baby. I thought that it would also be good to talk about it on here in case anyone else had a similar experience, or was also still affected by their labour and delivery experience.

If anyone has any tips on dealing with this I'd love for you to pop them in the comments below, both for myself and anyone who stumbles upon this post in the same position as me. I'm sure I can't be alone, as so many births don't go to plan.



Let's Talk Mommy
Super Busy Mum

10 comments

  1. Thank you so much for being open about this! A lot of my close friends have confessed to me that they have feelings of guilt or disappointment about their labour. It is such a significant event of course you will have strong feelings about it. I was also induced and things didn't go quite as I would have hoped but I made the decision that it was all a means to an end; whatever it took to get my wonderful boy to me was what it took. That being said I don't plan to have another pregnancy so it's easy for me to put it behind me. I think it's such a positive, proactive thing to talk to someone about it. I am outraged on your behalf that they couldn't find a way to allow you to have your partner with you! It's not often I have a bad word to say about our healthcare but that takes the biscuit!

    #MMWBH

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your comment! I've been so worried about posting this but your response has made me feel so much better about it xx

      Delete
  2. I think we can all have very emotive feelings about giving birth because we rely on our bodies to do the right thing and when they can't or won't do what the nice piece of paper in the handbook says they're supposed to we can feel like we failed. I was induced with my eldest because we'd got to 42 weeks and I was only in very very early labour and I did feel like I'd failed for a little while afterwards. I'd wanted a nice drug free birth with the pool for pain relief and instead I had a full induction, pethidine (which knocked me out too), and then an epidural. They were all the right decisions to have made but it doesn't mean I wanted to make them. All I can say is that time helped. But I do also think it ridiculous that your husband wasn't allowed on the induction ward - H was with me the whole time regardless of the time of day or night and that's how it should be for everyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for commenting - I think that there must be so many women who suffer from the experience they had giving birth. I think the main reason that he wasn't allowed on was because the midwife didn't think I was as far along as I was but it made it so much harder for me! I think you're right, time is a healer! xx

      Delete
  3. What a lovely honest post. I really love when people have the strength to talk about something that was so difficult for them, as I really do think it helps others who are in the same boat.

    Difficult births are often brushed aside, especially if you have a healthy baby at the end of it. They say "well at least he was healthy" and then move the conversation on, when actually it's the birth that can leave long lasting emotions, given it's such an emotional time anyway.

    I hope you do find the right people to talk to, as it's really important that you are able to work through it, and feel all those emotions you feel when things just aren't great.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! You're right people do brush it off because you have a healthy baby, and I guess that's why I feel guilty for still being affected by it! xx

      Delete
  4. I am so sorry you had such an experience at birth and it shouldn't go like that. It should be more smooth and rooms available and special circumstances that your partner be allowed outside of visiting hours that's crazy. I am sorry I don't have words of experience or wisdom. Three months its still fresh and be aware tough births can lead to post pardum depression and talk through it with someone too. Time will heal as well. Never feel guilty for feeling this way either. Wish I could help further. Big hugs. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round #sharewithme

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gosh your experience was a big one huh! If only everything was smooth sailing eh? Healing takes time and I think we never give ourselves the time we need TO heal fully, you know? We're just too darn busy being Mums! Gorgeous photo at the top btw & thanks for linking up with #MMWBH x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely! It's taking a lot longer than I had expected but it's definitely getting easier xx

      Delete

Latest Instagrams

© Capturing These Days. Design by FCD.